Fuck Easter. 

Every year there is inevitably a rant about Easter. 

The commercialization of it, the fucking extra day the government/banks feel they’re entitled to, and, let’s not even get me going on the Christians-taking-Pagan-holidays-and-suddenly-having-something-WAY-MORE-IMPORTANT-happen. 

Full disclosure on that last bit though; I know basically nothing about Jesus. But the fact that the day he was crucified is called Good Friday has always seemed just a touch ironic. 

This year my issue lies with when the Easter Bunny makes his appearance. 

Why does he come Saturday night? 

Why not Sunday night? It makes more sense from a there’s-a-whole-other-day-to-fill point of view. 

Unless of course Easter Monday is really just a ploy so that the banks and government offices can get another day off. Probably to escape from Zombie Jesus. 

Jesus was a Zombie, right? Or did I misunderstand the whole Rising on the Third Day thing? Because that’s definitely a possibility. Again though, I know almost nothing about Jesus. 

Except that whole water into wine bit. That I know about, and would really like to figure out how he managed to pull it off. Can you even imagine how lucrative that could be? 

I’d start a business where people bring me water bottles and I work my Voodoo and they pay me lots of dollars! 

Customer- “Why can’t you do a Merlot?”

Me- “A: Red is too inconspicuous, and B: I don’t know how. White or nothing, Lady.” 

Wow, this has totally gone off in another direction. I’m actually kind of impressed at the random garbage that spews out of my head sometimes! 



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